YakPack

Most families carry a first aid kit, but few are prepared for motion sickness, illness and food spills. Each YakPack comes with plastic bags, latex gloves, a plastic scoop, antimicrobial wipes and absorbent, deodorizing powder. Though you may never have to actually use the YakPack, having peace of mind knowing that your car's interior won't be sacrificed on the way home from Aunt Betsy's Thanksgiving dinner is worth the $8 alone.

Sleeping Bags

Bring at least one per child. Operating as blankets, pillows, backseat forts, dividers between siblings or picnic blankets for roadside meals, sleeping bags may actually be the only thing bringing weary parents peace.

Music That Doesn't Suck

Six hours of Old MacDonald is going to get old mighty fast. To break the boredom, either create your own family-friendly playlist — say, for every song the kids pick, Mom and Dad get to pick one too — or try out a few kid CDs that are adult-friendly too. We highly suggest Brats on the Beat: Ramones for Kids , Kimya Dawson's Alphabutt album and No! by They Might Be Giants.

Car Games

Tired of I-Spy, Twenty Questions and the license plate game? So are your kids. Ultimate Road Trip Games ($14.95) provides 140 pages of fresh family-friendly games to beat the boredom and Pressman Toy's 12 in 1 game set ($5.29) offers a dozen games including magnetic checkers, chess and tic tac toe. While the latter may not be suitable for smaller children (due to the tiny, oh-so-swallowable pieces), it's sure to keep kids ages seven and up occupied for a while. Free printable travel games are also available at GetRoadReady.com.

Cyclops Atom Headlamp

Driving at night usually means that traveling kids are either sleeping or whining. To keep the whines at bay, this miner-style reading light gives children a few more hours of reading and playtime when the sun goes down. It's also useful for nighttime games once you've finally reached your destination.

An Audio Escape

If the kids are wrapped up in games or sleeping, take time for yourself (while you can). To get a few adult moments in between family time, pop in an audio book or one of the bazillion cheap podcasts on iTunes. "This American Life," "How Stuff Works," NASA, Oprah and National Public Radio all offer free podcasts on topics ranging from celebrity gossip to space technology.

Nintendo DS

In an ideal world, road trips would be delightful excursions filled with engaging family conversation. In reality, sitting in a cramped car for several hours with kids usually means at least some whining, sibling fights and wars over the music. Burying your kid in a video game for an hour or so may not be the most intellectual way to spend a lengthy car ride, but it can give Mom and Dad a few hours of peace. To avoid numbing your child's brain, check out our list of creativity-building video games here .

Space Bags

Road trips are hard enough even if everyone's got ample leg room. To save on packing space, these vacuum-sealed bags shrink clothes to one-third of their normal size so you can pack more with less space. While the bag is like kryptonite for clothes that wrinkle easily, it works wonders for casual outfits, under-things and children's wear.

CarMD

The last thing you need is a mid-trip breakdown. Designed to catch engine problems early, this handheld gadget plugs into your car's internal computer (provided that the car was made after 1996) and lets drivers know if there are any engine or emissions problems before they begin driving. If there is one, CarMD will connect you with a call support center manned by trained mechanics and technicians. While the device can't guarantee that your trip will run smooth as butter, it can predict if your car will.

Chapter Books

They may not be as flashy or eye-catching as DS games, but good old fashioned books can actually be fun on a road trip, particularly when they're read round-robin style in zany voices. To get kids excited about their destination, choose a book that's either set in or about the town where you're headed. GoodLittleTraveler.com contains an extensive list of travel books for toddlers and pre-schoolers.

Tom Tom One 125 Portable GPS Navigator

Were you supposed to take 55 West to 65 North or 65 West to 55 North? Don't worry, this guy will read your directions for you. One of the cheapest and most reliable GPS systems on the market, the Tom Tom One 125 comes with US maps already loaded as well as alternative routes in case of traffic or a sudden detour. Roadside necessities — food, gas stations, toll roads — are all in the system, as are major attractions, beaches, campgrounds, car repair shops, hospitals and police stations. Granted, it's not as well-stocked as newer, pricier models, but for families looking for a modestly-priced way to avoid getting lost, it's hard to beat.

Keep Your Cooler Beach Backpack Cooler

You're going to need snacks for the road, so instead of relying on crappy fast food, pack healthy hunger-busters and keep them cold. In addition to feeding traveling kids on the go, the backpack straps make this sucker easy to haul out to the beach, sports games and family hikes.

Potette Plus Portable Potty

Everybody poops and thanks to this fold-away potty with disposable liners, your kids can even when there's not a sanitary restroom for miles. Holding up to five ounces of liquid and suitable for children weighing 50 lbs or less, the Potette Plus doubles as both a stand-alone portable toilet and a collapsible training seat. The potty comes with three disposable liners, but getting rid of them . . . well . . . that's up to you.

Wagan Power Dome

If you do have a roadside breakdown, Wagan Power Dome will come to the rescue. A jump starter, air compressor, storage unit and outlet all rolled into one, the Power Dome can restart a dead battery, pump up a tire and play your iPod at the same time. Lights, jumper cables and space to store a first aid kit are also included. Go ahead, breathe a sigh of relief.

Find more:

25 Kid Car Songs Even Parents Can Stand

Best Audio Books for Road Trips

10 Most Famous Road Trips in the U.S.

This article was written by Christina Couch for Babble.com, the magazine and community for a new generation of parents.

Universal Car Seat Carrier/Snap N' Go

Rather than lugging the car seat, stroller and gear through the airport, a much smarter solution is the all-in-one infant car seat carrier. One of these lightweight carriers will hold your favorite car seat on top (presumably, with baby) and a load of infant accoutrements underneath. Take the baby and the car seat out when you board and fold and check the carrier at the gate. You can pick it up upon departure and wheel everyone out the door. (When the kiddo needs the bigger toddler seat, check out the Sit ‘n' Stroll.)

Get the Kolcraft Universal Infant Seat Carrier at Amazon for $54.96.

Get the Snap N' Go from Amazon for $59.99.

CARES Safety Restraint

What a relief to check the car seat when your toddler reaches twenty-two pounds! Slip the CARES safety restraint into your carry-on and that's all you need until your little one can use the regular airplane seat belt. CARES is the only harness child restraint device that is FAA approved and is adjustable until your child reaches forty-four pounds. Giving you extra security and extra space in your bag makes CARES every parent's best friend.

Get it from Amazon for $70.

Trunki Suitcase For Kids

Not only is this carry-on for kids adorable (we were stopped multiple times on the way to the gate) the Trunki is the most practical kid item we tested. Let your child pack games, books and blanket in their very own suitcase and pull it through the terminal independently. When the little traveler gets tired, they can hop on for a ride. Choose your animal or bright color pattern and go!

Get it from Amazon for $49.99.

FeltTales Storyboard

No mess, no noise — a perfect airplane companion. This felt dress up game even has a handle for easy transport. Whether your kiddos like pirates, princesses or celebrating the Jewish holidays — there's a felt theme for every kid fantasy.

Get it from Babalu for $19.95.

Zoobies Plush Animals

It's a blanket, it's a lovey — it's both! Your baby will be entertained and swaddled by this compact plush toy all at the same time. Zoobies come in many species of animal and sizes but we recommend the baby Hada the Hippo (and she fits nicely in the Trunki).

Get it from Zoobies for $25.

The Gürdle

Especially helpful if you're traveling alone with baby, the Gürdle is a simple strap that streamlines your luggage. Small but strong, one step connects your diaper bag to your suitcase, freeing up that third arm you'll be needing. Available in many colors for easy luggage identifying, see how the Gürdle works here.

Get it from The Gürdle for $29.99

Jill E. Bag

The Jill E. bag serves two purposes — hauling the kid stuff and making you look fabulous. Originally a camera bag, Jill E. realized the potential of expansion and sold us on this bag as travel tool. While you stroll to the gate with the latest design in handbags hanging on your arm, the luscious leather outer is actually hiding the secret weapon — tons of separate compartments to keep snacks, toys, games, crayons and myriad other kid props in their own place.

Get it from Jill E. for $169.99.

Nature Baby Organics Travel Set

Allergist-approved for baby, the Nature Baby Organics travel set includes shampoo, body wash, conditioner, face and body moisturizer and can be used by every member of the family (one set lasts a family of four an entire week). Additionally, you should use the calming lavender aromatherapy spray liberally ? perhaps even on your fellow passengers.?

Get it from Nature Baby Organics for $15.95.

Itzy Ritzy Wet Happened!

When you're doing a ton of a laundry, suddenly keeping the dirty and clean separated en route and return is incredibly important. Toss your soiled baby clothes into the zip up Wet Happened! from Itzy Ritzy and forget about whatever it was that leaked, spilled or squirted all over that onesie. Available in fabulous styles and two sizes, you'll wonder why you never traveled with a wet bag before.

Get it from Itzy Ritzy starting at $17.95.?

Coby Portable DVD Player

If you're lucky your flight will come equipped with a personal TV on every seat. Why take that chance when you can guarantee a happy, occupied child with a portable DVD player? The Coby has traveled many miles with our family and reliably saves the day when all else fails. Travel tip: Pick up never-seen episodes of your child's favorite shows to achieve maximum down time.

Get it from Amazon for $65.99.

Find more:

25 Family Travel Tips

The Best Travel High Chairs

The Family That Never Stopped Traveling

This article was written by April Peveteaux for Babble.com, the magazine and community for a new generation of parents.

"What are you doing?" Jack asked.

"I’m cleaning the bathroom," my husband replied.

Jack twisted his face into a look of concern, "What happened?"

Like any child confronted by an unusual event in a familiar environment, Jack didn’t know what to make of what he saw. The truth is that both of my kids witness housecleaning so infrequently that they consider the very activity evidence that some unfortunate event has occurred.

I rarely clean my house. Walk through my front door on any given day and you are almost certain to find dust collected on the coffee table and book shelves. You’ll spot books and magazines semi-stacked on floors and you might trip over those tiny, goody-bag toys kids gather like treasure. The windowsills between the inside glass panes and outer screens bear dirt deposited by seasonal storms and breezes, the wood floors do not gleam and there are blemishes pockmarking the bathroom mirrors — not to mention traces of toothpaste on the walls of the sink from kids who still haven’t learned to aim their spit in the center of the basin. In short, you will find dirt.

And I don’t care.

When I sat down to write this essay, the first thing I did was open my internet browser. It’s no secret to any parent that time is limited.I thought that I could perform a couple of Google searches, find a list — or several — of reasons why people thought it was so important to maintain a clean house when you have kids, and then refute those reasons one-by-one.

I was, however, surprised by the results of my searches. Site after site offered tips for how to keep a clean house when you have young children, how to get the kids to help you clean, even how to find cleaning inspiration when you have trouble mustering it on your own. But on no site — that I could find — did anyone bother to address the reasons why keeping my house clean should be one of my top maternal priorities in the first place. That’s probably because most people think the point is obvious. But it’s not at all obvious to me.

It’s no secret to any parent that time is limited. Once I’ve devoted six or seven hours of each day to sleeping, I’ve got about thirty hours of goals to squeeze into what’s left of any given day. I need to get the kids to school with all of their accoutrements, shepherd them to their activities, cook their meals, wash, dry, fold and redistribute their clothes, help with their homework, schedule doctors’ appointments and play dates, and so on. As soon as I get the kids out the door, I need to write and do all of the other things this business requires as well as fulfill my volunteer commitments at school, temple and around town. I need to shower and eat. I need to find the cat so I can take her to the vet. The last thing I want to do with any moments I have left over when all of these requirements are complete is clean.

I’d much rather spend time enjoying the company of my husband and my kids than battling with the detritus spawned by my house. I read Harry Potter to my seven-year-old son at bedtime. I listen while my four-year-old daughter takes me on long, sometimes incomprehensible journeys through the complex universe that lives in her mind. I accompany my children on long walks in the local apple orchards in autumn and together we marvel at the glowing reds and ambers of the trees, the hawks we watch as they dive for lunch, the apples we’ve just picked that taste so much sweeter than those we buy at the grocery store. We celebrate my kids’ and my own Jewish heritage every Friday night as we feast on challah I’ve made from scratch for them, we learn to cook and eat bulgogi together to experience a piece of my daughter’s Korean birthright and we share corned beef and cabbage on St. Patrick’s Day in honor of my husband and my son. We watch movies together. We learn about the world, we play games, we have fun.

And no one in my family ever says to me, "Gee, I wish the house were cleaner."

Lest anyone get the wrong idea, let me assure you: I do have some standards. If I notice that a bathtub or the kitchen sink is truly vile, I clean it — or at least I ask my husband to do it. If the dust balls drifting out from under the couch become large enough to invite possible investigation by the Board of Health, I sweep them up. When the cat pukes— as she does almost daily —I clean it up. I am not a total pig. My kids eat off clean dishes and they wear clean clothes. That’s good enough for me.

I should also clarify that I have no objection to cleanliness itself. If I could, I would hire a cleaning service to come in every week and have them tidy and sanitize and polish the inside of my house until it could pass even my late grandmother’s literal white-glove test.  It’s the process of achieving cleanliness that I despise. Cleaning is tedious and repetitive, and it’s disheartening when you notice the dust regrouping on the piano before you’ve even finished wiping down the other side of the room. I know some people love to clean, including some of my own closest friends and family. (And then there was that Monica-character on Friends. I never understood her.) They find it to be a stress-relief. I find it to be on a par with teeth-cleanings and colonoscopies.

I don’t even do much cleaning for family and friends. I might walk through my house before guests arrive and deal with anything that doesn’t pass my "Is this disgusting?" test. Beyond that, though, I reason that no one wants to be friends with me because of my housekeeping skills or lack thereof. If you’re going to condemn me for the state of my house, then my guess is you’re probably not going to enjoy my company very much in the first place.

As far as I’m concerned, there are countless better ways to spend my time with or without my kids than cleaning. My mudroom may contain actual mud and my countertops may be sticky, but my kids, my husband and I laugh a lot.

And I’ll take that over a clean house any day.

I have changed my children’s names in order to protect their privacy.

Find More:

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This article was written by Tracy Hahn-Burkett for Babble.com, the magazine and community for a new generation of parents.

— Pretty on the Inside?

Dear Pretty,

Yours is a very common concern. In fact, it's so common we have already answered a similar question.

As we discussed in that column, there's no reason to believe that your son's facial particularities will be extreme or unattractive later in life. He's only twenty-three weeks! That little half-baked face will change as he grows, and it's not going to expand exponentially at precisely the same angles.

Believe us, we know; we both had the exact same fears during our pregnancies. One of us spent months wondering whether her daughter was going to come out looking like one of the Simpsons. Okay, she might have made a pretty good Maggie early on, and we're not expecting to escape without orthodontics. But the overbite we fretted about in utero has turned out to be part of what makes her cute. More so, it's part of what makes her HER.

We don't know what the ultrasound technician was thinking when she opted to comment on your son's features. Maybe she thought she was complimenting him (one woman's hawk is another woman's aquiline). Maybe she has some deep subconscious resentment or envy of sharp noses leftover from her childhood. Who knows? Whatever was going on in her head, she probably should have kept her mouth shut. Every flicker of the eyeball on the face of an ultrasound technician can trigger waves of anxiety in the person on the table.

Ultrasound technology has lots of advantages — and sometimes makes people feel more bonded to their fetuses — but it can also freak us out. We're looking through a tiny, blurry windowpane into a work in progress. A completely random comment can easily be interpreted as disastrous.  There's no reason to feel guilty. You, like every pregnant woman who's come before you, are just hoping that things turn out okay for your kid. This episode has suddenly focused that well-intentioned desire entirely upon the possibly imperfect curvature of a prenatal nose. Do your best to put the technician's loaded, but ultimately meaningless, words out of your head.

Perhaps you should do the same with those premature baby pictures. If they're giving you anxiety, there's no reason to scrutinize them or even look at them. We've come to think it's important to see our babies' images before birth, but is it really? Parents have been perfectly well attached to their babies for centuries before we started giving them those tiny blurry photocopies to hug and hold beforehand. This snapshot is a moment in time, at a time when your baby is far from fully developed. You've probably seen snapshots of yourself that highlight features you'd rather not focus on. Imagine if your appearance were being judged solely on one moment's image, and a glowing negative skeletal silhouette at that?!

Babies are engineered for cuteness to ensure that the adults around them give them the care they need. Fetuses enjoy no such evolutionary benefits. Give him some time. Your baby may not be quite ready for his close up yet, but we're betting that a few months down the line, the magic of twinkling eyes and baby fat will have you wondering . . . why you ever worried.

Oh, and for what it's worth, that nose doesn't look particularly prominent to us. 

Have a question? Email parentaladvisory@babble.com

Click to buy Ceridwen and Rebecca's book!

Jane Jetson, The Jetsons

If the Real Housewives went animated, doting Jane (with the live-in help of maid/nanny/pseudo-mom Robot Rosey) would no doubt be given a starring role. We're not so stoked that she makes the rest of Mom-kind look bad in the creative dinner department, and sigh, her orange hair always looks coiffed, but boy, does she dote on Judy and Elroy.

Betty Rubble, The Flintstones

Betty finds an abandoned infant at her doorstop one day, and BOOM. No question about it, takes little Bamm-Bamm in as her own, even going to court against legendary "Perry Masonry" to win custody of her baby boy. Such a good adoptive momma, that Betty — we're willing to look past the annoying giggle.

Bambi's Mom, Bambi

Still chokes us up to this day to think about Bambi's dad telling his son, "Your mother can no longer be with you." Any mom who risks death to protect her four-legged offspring earns a "Mother of the Year Award" in our books. Sniff.

Mama Bear, Berenstain Bears

Really, is there a life lesson this wise, furry momma didn't teach her two mischievous cubs? Handling pressure, staying safe, living by the golden rule? The list goes on. Oh, and she manages to balance parent and social time quite impressively: she's a whiz at quilt-making and president of the Bear Country Garden Club.

Mother Bear, Little Bear

Oh, Mother Bear. You are so kind and sweet and soft-spoken. You must have some alternate wacked-out personality. Except you don't. And even though you're so nicey-nice it makes us want to choke on our kid's animal crackers sometimes, we appreciate that your bear humming calms them down when they're watching the tube.

Mrs. Jumbo, Dumbo

Like any good mom, Mrs. Jumbo sticks up for her floppy-eared son when the rest of the elephants poke fun of his large ears — even getting imprisoned by the circus folk for her outburst. Need we even mention the heart-wrenching mother/son trunk nuzzling scene? Too much.

Miss Spider, Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends

The warm spider with the big blue eyes is the epitome of a loving mother. She treats all her Sunny Patch kids equal and instills wholesome values like, "We have to be good to bugs, all bugs." Right on.

Wilma Flintstone, The Flintstones

The level-headed matriarch of the Flintstone clan, Wilma maintains a clean home and family sanity for baby Pebbles. Not an easy task, when you've got an elephant vacuum cleaner and a husband like Fred. Plus, does she look fab in pearls or what?

Didi Pickles, Rugrats

Sure, she's a tad overprotective of her son, Tommy, but frizzy-haired Didi sure means well in the Mom department. And we can't fault her for heeding every piece of Dr. Lipschitz parenting advice she can get her hands on.

Martha Generic, Bobby's World

She's got that universal mom quality: eyes in the back of her head! (Which, of course, come in quite handy when disciplining goofball Bobby.) Plus, it's quite entertaining to hear her spew motherly advice in that Upper Midwestern "gee golly" accent.

Nanny, Muppet Babies

We may never see her face, but her distinctive pink skirt and striped socks hold court over the Muppet nursery. Let's face it — any lady who can quiet the likes of Gonzo, Kermit and the gang simply by walking in the room has some serious mamma powers.

Grammi Gummi, Disney's Adventures of the Gummi Bears

The matriarch of the Gummi Clan, she possesses the traits of all great moms: maternal, but means business when she has to. Plus, she's got a signature Mom dish — her famous gummiberry juice!

Rebecca Cunningham, TaleSpin

Representin' the single mammas, stubborn, all- business Rebecca not only watches over her daughter Molly, but also plays step-mom to orphan Kit and keeps lazy Baloo in-line. That can't be easy for one lady.

Fairy Godmother, Cinderella

So she's technically not a mom, per se, but she saves little Cindy from the wrath of her evil stepmother with some pretty spectacular magical powers. Imagine: Bibbity-bobbity-boo! Clean diaper!

Marge Simpson, The Simpsons

She owns her Mom-ness and her sexiness. Yep, the scratchy-voiced, blue-haired mamacita bared all for Playboy, and still manages to be the voice of reason in a yellow family full of dysfunction. Plus, years after it went out of style, Marge still makes the retro beehive look rockin'.

]]>Babble http://www.babble.com/facebook-common-parenting-pitfalls/What was once the domain of rowdy college co-eds has now become a centralized hub for new parents. You can't so much as check your status updates without seeing some adorable tyke smiling a toothless grin or a parent giving the latest update on what their little genius is up to today. With everyone from Dr. Sears to CafeMom hanging up their FB shingle, it seems this former bastion of social networking cool has been taken over entirely by parents — oftentimes with mixed results. Here are the five biggest offenders. — Elina Furman

The Bragger Parent

As the most popular type of parent, this category has trapped even the most well-meaning moms and dads. While your progeny may have walked early, used an adverb correctly or even commented on the recent health care debate, does everyone really need to hear about it? Sure, occasional bragging is part of the parental bill of rights, but abuse of this privilege can be met with swift exclusion from friend lists. And though your pals would not mention anything to your face, you can tell by your ever-waning wall activity that it's time to put a lid on it.

The Whiner Parent

Baby been keeping you up all night? Spitting up his food? Won't go poopy on the potty? Say hello to the Whiner Parent. Always complaining about their sleep and happiness deprivation, you'd think these parents and their colicky offspring had a monopoly on the crying game. While it's okay to occasionally post an FB rant to gain much-needed sympathy and even advice from other veteran parent pals, if you're always complaining prepare to lose some Facebook friends and fast.

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The Cool Parent

Oh, the good old halcyon days of all-night clubbing and indie rock concerts. Those were good times. The problem is they're over and have been replaced with broken sleep cycles and Laurie Berkner concerts. While many parents have changed their wild ways with the arrival of their precious, others refuse to alter their lifestyle or sacrifice their hipness, using Facebook to affirm their undying alternative ways. Expect to see lots of postings for concert attendance, plaintive invites to loft parties and recounts of nights on the town. And while these parents may in fact be having fun, they're really not fooling anyone.

The Obsessed Parent

Obsessed parents and Facebook go together like peas and pods. After all, where else can these hyper-consumed parents find such a captive audience for their myriad of photos, videos and announcements? This type of parent has completely given up their Facebook identity to their offspring, sticking their baby's photos smack dab where their own used to be. Of course, if you're going to be obsessed with your baby, Facebook is as good a place as any — beats whipping out your iPhone baby pics at parties.

The Zen Parent

"Oh, this little thing? It's just my thirty-pound toddler that I lug around on my back. Is he heavy? No, quite light actually. It's really much easier than it looks." The Zen parent is a relatively new phenomenon brought about by sustainable living and attachment parenting philosophies and they are multiplying by the droves. Common posts include pithy aphorisms about the joys of parenting and the general beauty of the world. Based on their posts, you'd think their babies have never shed a tear in their life. Yeah, we get it. Life is great. Babies are wonderful. Being a mom is the best thing you've ever done. Bleary-eyed parents with spit up on your shirts take note: Their babies are probably pooping their pants even as you read.

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Moms with OCD have visions of stabbing, drowning or suffocating the baby repeatedly throughout the day. Along with fears of contamination or rigid ideas about feeding or bathing, these images pop into their minds over and over. A mom might pick up a knife to cut broccoli and think, "What if I . . . " Merrill Sparago, a Los Angeles psychiatrist who specializes in helping women in pregnancy and postpartum, says that almost all new moms have bizarre thoughts, but for moms with OCD they are repeated and intrusive. After awhile, the mom begins to doubt herself, worrying that if she's thinking this way she might actually be capable of following through.

Moms with postpartum OCD hide the kitchen knives, or avoid the baby as much as possible, fearing that they might act on a disturbing thought. But according to Sparago, these moms are not dangerous. Postpartum psychosis ? a separate disorder in which a mom loses touch with reality and her aggressive thoughts seem logical to her ? requires immediate medical attention. This was the diagnosis in the famous case of Andrea Yates, who drowned her children in the bathtub because she believed she was saving them from evil. In contrast to this, the very fact that a woman with OCD is bothered by her thoughts and wants them to go away means she's no more likely to hurt her baby than any other mom.

James Swain, a scientist at the University of Michigan, says that a new parent's brain is wired for anxiety. He argues that having a certain level of this emotion in the post partum is evolutionarily adaptive ? it has helped us keep our babies out of harm's way for thousands of years. Swain and other researchers at Yale found that, even for a normal parent, the sound of a crying baby triggered brain regions associated with anxiety and OCD. The problem with the full-blown disorder is that a woman becomes stuck in thought patterns that are no longer adaptive and disturbing thoughts or fears become caught in the obsessive-compulsive machinery.

Not surprisingly, a mom with OCD is likely to keep her thoughts to herself, fearing that the rest of the world, or even her partner, might think she is crazy. Sparago stresses that the correct diagnosis is key (distinguishing OCD from post partum depression or psychosis), because the treatment that follows will be tailored to the mom's needs. Along with medication, cognitive behavioral therapy helps moms slowly approach their fears. The key is to separate the obsessions from a mom's self-concept. "It takes a long time to convince a mom with OCD that she's not crazy," says Sparago, "and to accept that her thoughts are the fault of the disease ? she is not a bad person."

If you think you might need support during your pregnancy or postpartum, help and information is available through Post Partum Support International.

Expert: Anton Simunovic, technologist, entrepreneur, father of six and founder of threejars.com, an internet service teaching kids how to be responsible with money and the importance of giving back.

1. Practice Makes Perfect
Allowance is the best tool parents have in getting our kids to be responsible with money. With 18-24 year olds declaring personal bankruptcy faster than any other age group, we need to instill healthy financial habits in our kids before they leave the nest. Learning to be responsible with money — the primary objective of allowance — takes lots of practice. As parents, we readily understand hard work and practice is required for kids to become solid athletes or musicians. Yet, we are reluctant to empower our kids sufficiently to practice money. What a waste, we think! Trust me. It's better our kids learn from little "mistakes" today — when dollar amounts and consequences are low — than much larger ones later.

2. Embrace Technology
If we're lucky, our early money memories may conjure up thoughts of piggy banks, counting coins on bedspreads or updating passbook savings accounts. As parents, we want to recreate these fond memories for our kids. Our kids however, embrace technology. To them, technology is fun, engaging and immediate. Unlike parents, technology is consistent, accurate and never forgets, giving allowance the respect and dignity it deserves. ?

Technology can also be used to adjust your child's allowance to meet their personality. For instance, my three older kids hear the same lectures, go to the same schools and eat the same dinners, but their money styles couldn't be more different! One is a spender, the second a saver and the third can't wait to give her money away. Is one better than the other? ?Not really. While we all want to raise a saver, saving to the point of hoarding isn't healthy. A focus on money for its own sake makes us small and petty. Of course, it's not good to overspend or to be completely selfless either. Responsible money management requires balance and a respect for money.?

Use the Internet to allot a portion of every dollar your child earns to three jars: one for saving, the other two for spending and sharing. Technology can be used to tailor the amount placed in each jar according to your child's specific money style: for example, if your child is a spender, consider putting 60% in the save jar, 30% in the spend jar and 10% in the share jar to instill better habits. Technology allows your kids to visualize their money as a picture, where it comes alive and makes financial lessons more tangible. By graphically tracking decisions daily, kids quickly learn frivolous spending means less saving and less earned interest — not a great outcome. Sharing even a few dollars makes them feel good and grateful for what they already have, building self esteem.

3. Don't Tie Allowance to Chores
Of the thirteen million families in America that pay allowance, roughly half believe allowance should be tied to chores. The thinking goes that kids need to earn their allowance because that's how real life works. The other half believe that since mom and dad don't get paid for chores, why should the kids?? In my mind, allowance and chores are two completely separate issues. ?When it comes to chores tell the kids "Whoever lives in the house has to help manage the home —? case closed."?Our kids lose TV, Internet or cell phone privileges rather than money to ensure beds are made and the trash is taken out. ?Practicing money skills through allowance is too important an issue to gum-up with chores. Remember, paying effective allowance is our best tool to get our kids responsible with money before they leave the family nest.

— as told to Andrea Zimmerman

— Lost My Perspective in the Baking Ingredients Aisle

Dear Lost,

The hardcore bake sale scene does put the pressure on. But we are here to give some perspective: You are not required to bring home the bacon, bake it into muffins and provide a notarized letter re: the provenance of every ingredient. No matter how much the class rep to the parenting association nudges.

That's the good news. The bad news is, this is only the beginning. You *and your husband* will be asked to give time, skills, money, rummage, canned food, gently used books and/or small bits of flesh year after year for as long as your child is part of the educational system. (Unless you move somewhere where schools actually get enough money from the government to perform up to the standards of the parents who send their children there.) The expectation varies depending on where your kid is in school, but it's pretty much a given that parents are expected to help out somewhat. Some take this super-seriously. Many others blow it off, for lack of time or lack of interest.

One suggestion we'd make is to try to loosen the symbolic reins a little. Sometimes a bake sale is just a bake sale. Yes, it emerged from a time of more prescribed gender roles, but really, people just like cake. For every parent who dreads the pie tin, there's another who dreads the fancy dress auction, or the softball game at the class picnic. If you can't deal with baking, don't bake. Buy something and hand it over with your head held high (and the ingredients conveniently preprinted on the package!) Or beg off. We can assure you that you will not be the only one who shows up empty-handed that morning. And we can also assure you that there will be many opportunities for you to be of service to your child's school. We can't guarantee you'll hate those any less, but they probably won't require you to wear an apron.

Have a question? Email parentaladvisory@babble.com

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Expert: Dr. Leanne Liddicoat, a VSP Vision Care network optometrist.

1. Confusing those school screenings with eye exams.

"Too often, these quick screenings give parents a false sense of security. Parents think because their child's eyes have been checked in school, they don't need to see an optometrist, which isn't the case. In fact, sometimes screenings actually do more harm than good because it leaves many vision problems undetected. It's crucial that parents know the difference between eye exams and screenings. Only optometrists can see the health and development of your child's retinas and eye muscles."

"The American Optometric Association recommends that all children have a complete eye exam by an eye doctor at six months, three years and five years old. Between the ages of six and eighteen, your child should see an optometrist every two years, even if they've been screened by the school or pediatrician. Of course, if they're seeing poorly, you should schedule an exam sooner."

2. Relying on your child's opinion of their eyesight.?

"Kids that have impaired vision from birth have no idea what normal vision is like, so they don't know the difference. Also, some children either really want glasses or really don't want glasses, which may skew their opinion. That's why it's important to schedule regular eye exams, even if your child swears he can see just fine."

3. Leaving the sunglasses behind.

"Sunscreen isn't enough! Even on cloudy days, radiation can be strong, and the effects the UV rays have on the eyes over time can be devastating. And oftentimes, sun damage to the eyes cannot be fixed by an optometrist. It's never too young to put your child in sunglasses — younger ones often do better than the two- to three-year-olds. Your optometrist can help you choose a pair that's right for your child. Remember, the most important factor in sunglasses is 100% UVA and 100% UVB protection, along with a good fit and polycarbonate lenses for safety. And when you choose a pair, it's worth it to spend a little extra money on a pair that really protects your child's eyes."

As told to Andrea Zimmerman.

]]>Babble http://www.babble.com/Overachiever-flashcard-two-year-old/My son is two years old. He knows his alphabet in English and American Sign Language. He counts, relatively accurately, to eighteen. He can identify more than fifty words that I have been flashing at him from my homemade 4x6 cards for the past several months. He regularly wows strangers with his ability to count with the elevator as we go up and down the floors. "Smart kid," they'll say. "How old is he?" And I beam, of course. I thought I was being a good parent by encouraging such intellectual pursuits and helping him identify and interpret the world around him. But then I read Peggy Orenstein's "Kindergarten Cram" article in The New York Times Magazine and began to rethink my priorities.

Kids don't get to be kids for long enough, Ms. Orenstein wrote. Play is an essential part of any child's childhood, an indispensable tool to forming relationships and becoming socially and emotionally stable and there isn't enough of it in today's kindergartens. Drilling kids with flash cards pushes them to grow up before they are ready, robbing them of opportunities to learn necessary skills that will help them compete in our global society. Oops. I was robbing my child of his childhood. He probably wasn't "playing" nearly enough. As I read I imagined the track my bright little boy was on. He'd be the socially awkward, uncoordinated kid who never got invited to parties, acted out in strange ways and drew pitying looks from his classmates. He'd probably smell bad, too.

What had I been thinking? Let the kid grow up when he was ready. Sigh. I hadn't planned for things to be this way. I thought he'd be the rough-and-tumble little boy who roared at everything and bit the furniture as he stalked the house defending his territory. But when he showed interest in the letter "S" at twenty months on a cross-country flight, I snagged the opportunity to keep him quiet and contained. We looked for S's in the in-flight magazines calmly and intently for the rest of the flight. After that, his appetite for letters, numbers and words could not be satiated.

I had assumed I was doing a good thing, feeding his interests, giving him hugs and kisses when he learned new things and generally making learning fun and exciting. I even skimmed through a book, How to Teach Your Baby to Read by Glenn Doman and Janet Doman. The Domans assured me that starting young would make it easier for the child to pick up on new words and learn to read. The older he was, even kindergarten age, the more difficult it would be. As I watched my child, still shy of his second birthday, learn to recognize nine words in one afternoon — with less than ten minutes of effort on my part — I became a believer. The few minutes I spent each day showing him new words and then testing him on them later in the week were going to save us from a world of frustration once he was actually "old enough" to learn to read.

But when I was reminded of the power of play I decided to step back and watch for a while. Did my child even know how to play? I got out the wooden train set he had received for Christmas and spread the tracks on the floor. He spent a few minutes puttering around with them before coming to me and insisting I do it for him. Same story with the playdough. Hmm. At play groups I noticed him standing on the sidelines, unsure of what to do while other kids his age tackled each other, wrestled over balls and pulled things out of the toy fridge. Then he found a book and brought it to me to read to him. Hmm again. And finally, while playing at the park with some friends, he watched, puzzled, as two boys his age battled with sticks the size of staves. His own wand-sized stick, held loosely in his hand, remained unused. Certainly this was the lack of play that would prevent my child from forming lasting relationships, from figuring out how to build bridges, from becoming a contributing member of society. I hung my head in shame.

Still, I don't intend to stop my encouragement of his intellectual pursuits. Not only does it make him happy, it makes me really, really happy. Why? Because playing with him is, um, boring. And frustrating. He doesn't understand the rules of the games. He pushes me around indecisively whenever I let him take charge. He gets distracted. He makes messes that I have to clean up. Standing at the bottom of the slide waiting for him to come down and hovering beside him while he climbs up the tricky ladders at the playground lest he lose his teeth may be fun for him, but a mother can only take so much. We both need our alone time and, of course, we get it. But when we're together, I'd rather spend it doing something that has measurable results, something that I can look back on and say, "I taught him that." Watching him learn letters and words allows me to look back on the day and count it as a success.

And so, at my house, we blur the line between learning and play. We can spend a half-hour sitting on the couch bending chenille stems into Os or spelling out words on flash cards and be utterly delighted. To heck with building towers with oversize legos. Making Ts with them is so much more fun. Who cares about drawing, unless a W magically appears in the random scribbles? Now that is cool stuff. And so what if it's too cold to play outside? We've only read Corduroy four times. There's still plenty of fun to be had.

— Are You There God, It's Me Mommy

Dear Are You There God,

One of us was recently involved in a conversation with parents about this very issue. How do you talk to a kid about god (we'll go lowercase here, out of respect for your beliefs) when you don't know whether you believe in god yourself? Or when you know that you don't, but don't want to force your ideology down your kid's throat? A lot of thoughtful discussion was had, and there were no easy answers. Is it as easy as saying "This is what I believe, this is what other people believe, you can believe what you want . . .?"

It's a bit much to expect a three-year-old to understand this abstract choice. She doesn't even know what or who god is, let alone whether to hitch her horse to his (or her or its) cart. One mom suggested parents should play shrink, dodging any personal inquiries by lobbing questions right back. We like this idea, if only for exploratory purposes: You want to know why this is coming up now. What has she heard? What does she think? But if she's anything like our kids, she'll eventually demand a direct answer on your own beliefs. Avoiding her curiosity won't be much help. As parents, your beliefs matter. At this age, it's fairly likely that she'll follow your lead.

When we read your letter, we were struck (and impressed) by your openminded attitude. Not every atheist (or anything-ist) shares your views, namely, that it's ok for not everyone to share the same views.  And therein lies the answer to your question. It seems like what you're looking to teach your daughter is not what to believe, but how to respect different beliefs.

When ("if" is not a realistic expectation) your daughter asks you about god, we suggest you tell her a simple version of your truth. And follow up with some context, including the fact that other people she loves have other ideas . . . and how that's ok with you. In terms of how exactly to talk about it, there are lots of ways. Sometimes people frame religion like a story that some people believe is true and others don't. You can also tell her feelings about god are a little bit like feelings in general; unique to each individual. So there's room for everybody's own ideas about god; yours, Grandma's, and eventually, her own.

Have a question? Email parentaladvisory@babble.com

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It's the kind of scenario that can make parents of a toddler and an infant toss down their burp cloths in despair and think, as they narrowly avoid tripping over the musical truck, that having two young kids means no one's ever satisfied.

But while you can't keep 'em both happy all of the time, here are a few tricks to keep them, and you, from pitching a fit most of the time. — Shoshana Kordova

It takes three to tango (and eat, and change a diaper)

When the latest arrival needs to be held or fed, your primary interest may be baby's basic needs, but just about any infant-centered activity can become fun for the kid who might be feeling displaced. The baby's gassy? Hold her while dancing and singing silly songs with your older kid (our favorite made-up ditty includes the line "Don't drink beer in my ear, it makes it hard to hear"). The baby's gotta eat? Whether you're nursing or bottle-feeding, extend your limited lap space by grabbing a spot where you can put up your legs, and ask your toddler if she wants to sit on you (even better if you have toys or books nearby). As for the diaper change, lots of toddlers like being, er, helpful, and handing you a diaper is one of the least calamitous forms of help a toddler can offer.

Find the pattern

It's always a good idea to pay attention to what sets off your kid, and that's all the more true when monitoring the way the former center of attention reacts to the cause of her reduction in star status. Maybe there's something about the time of day or the way you relate to your infant that sparks a meltdown in your toddler; pay attention to the contributing factors and you may be able to head off an ear-numbing exercise of the will. I noticed that my oldest would get upset if I tried to feed the baby at a time when big sis was usually hungry. Now I grab some food, get my toddler into the high chair and sit next to her while feeding both of them. Which brings us to the next point . . .

Don't paint yourself into a nursing corner

Some moms like settling in with baby in the same comfy feeding spot every time. But while that can be great at the right moment, be open to feeding the baby wherever your toddler is. The same holds for other necessaries, especially if you've got multiple rooms, or floors, you hang out in. If you have diaper-changing basics or safe baby-dumping spots (even just a blanket or towel spread out on the floor) in a few strategic locations, it'll be easier to stay with both kids. And if you do have to, or want to, go somewhere else with the little one, try asking your toddler if she wants to sit on the couch with mommy too.

View your home as a kid lab

Don't keep doing something just because it's what you started off doing; your kids are changing every day, so if something isn't working right now (even if it used to), modify it. The trickiest time in our house is my toddler's bath-and-bed time, because I need to give her my attention when the baby is likely to be hungry or kvetchy. I tried sticking to our old routine, but got too stressed if I could hear crying in the other room. I tried simultaneous bath-giving and baby-wearing, but found it too cumbersome. I tried giving big sis an earlier bath if the baby was calm, and that worked well until I started hitting resistance. I ultimately settled on putting the baby in her car seat and bringing her into the bathroom with us, but I'm up for figuring out something else if this doesn't pan out either. There's no way of knowing what will work best for you at any given time other than by trial and error, so try, try, try again.

I'll take two

Keep spares of baby stuff in stock, ready to offer to your toddler if she expresses interest. Mine hadn't used a bottle in nearly a year, but as soon as she saw the baby getting one, it became the hottest item of the season. Instead of saying, "No, that's for the baby," we gave her a bottle of her own that looks different from the others. She also adores having her own blanket spread out on the floor, right next to the baby mat; when I first put it down she stalked around the perimeter with this huge proprietary grin, proud to have her own territory to stake out.

Make some one-on-one

No matter how well you manage to incorporate both kids into your daily tasks, at some point you'll probably feel like you're shortchanging at least one of them. So before you rush off on the never-ending quest to cross off everything on your to-do list when one of them falls asleep, take a few minutes to let your toddler swing like a monkey from your neck or to have a staring contest with your baby while speaking in a ridiculously high-pitched voice. It's worth building up a bank of one-on-one time, both for your kids' sense of security and so that the next time one or both of them is too tired, hungry or sick for any of these tricks to work, at least you'll know in your heart that — despite the surround-sound crying you're sure will have the neighbors calling social services — you've been doing your darndest.

Patrimony: A True Story by Philip Roth

I can't think of a more honest or unflinching account of fatherhood. This is the story of Roth taking care of his father, who is dying of brain cancer. There is a scene in the beginning — Roth's sick, aged father wipes his feces all over the bathroom. It's very easy to talk about feeling awe or great affection or worry about the family but I think it's very hard, and also more honest, to talk about the shit and blood and physicality of it. That was one of the things that surprised me about parenting, actually. Babies are not intellectual human beings — in the beginning, they are not even capable of smiling, the most simple expression of human life — and yet they're demanding of a physical relationship. One of the funny — or not so funny — tricks of life: As you get older, relationships come back to that physicality. You might find yourself wearing a diaper again and needing someone to bathe and feed you. Can anyone hold a baby without imagining oneself as an old person or the baby as an old person?

Kaddish by Leon Wieseltier

This book is like the continuation of Patrimony in a sense, because it begins after the end. Weiseltier immerses himself in the Jewish ritual of saying Kaddish after his father dies ? this act of committing himself does not mean he can make sense of death but he engages with it. Religious or not, as a parent, you are somebody who makes rituals. Whether it is a particular succession of books at bedtime or waffles on Thursday mornings ? they're all practices that you repeat and they take on a special meaning. Ritual gives kids and adults a sense of structure where structure is naturally lacking. It's the counting on it that matters.

Disgrace by J.M. Coetzee

I was so moved by this novel, particularly by the way the father and daughter are bound together through shame. The father's shame comes from the fact that he won't admit to an affair he had and the shame of his daughter is for her country, about apartheid in South Africa. Shame can be a good thing though ? it can prompt exploration. It was actually the inspiration for me to write my new book, Eating Animals . There is the shame of a kid asking you a question and not being able to answer it, of almost entirely forgetting your responsibility. Why do we eat animals? Children's questions highlight our inconsistencies and paradoxes, but they also inspire us to consider the answers.

Life? Or Theatre? By Charlotte Salomon

I was in Amsterdam and I just stumbled into the Jewish museum. Salomon's work — the paintings and text that make up this book — was on display there. There was something about the line of suicides in her family — her grandmother, aunt and mother all took their own lives — and the idea of inescapable fate that drew me in. Since I've become a father I've become very aware of things that are handed down on purpose and by accident. And I'm interested in what can be resisted. I have a bad habit, for example, of being anti-confrontational. I know why I have it — we can usually trace these things to historical and familial trauma. Part of being a parent is the opportunity to correct these things. I admire Salomon for resisting her fate so forcefully through her art. Sorrowfully, the Nazis captured her not long after she made these paintings and she was killed at Auschwitz. The conflict is: How can art redeem or correct? Sometimes it can't. And yet we keep doing it.

It needs to be said from the outset that this is not a pro- or anti-cry it out article. How you approach sleep is as personal and complex as any aspect of parenting. And, rightly so, many moms and dads use their instinct as their guide. The intent of this article is to examine the scientific evidence that sleep training (the kind that involves a distinct period of crying to sleep) causes long-term brain damage — a very serious claim that should not be tossed around lightly.

The work of big name researchers and clinicians comes hand-in-hand with the anti-cry it out stance. For example, UCLA researcher Dr. Allan Schore is often cited as showing that stress hormones like cortisol, released during intense crying, damage nerve cells in the brain, leading to unhealthy attachments and psychological disorders. He demonstrates that a repeated pattern of unmet needs disrupts a child's stress-regulating systems and can alter the way her limbic structures process emotion.

But Schore's research is actually about how trauma, chronic neglect, or abuse affects a small person. No doubt, if ignoring distress were your every day parenting philosophy this would apply, but sleep training against the background of caring, responsive parenting, does not. In fact, this is the case with a lot of sources opposing the cry it out method — the claims of brain, personality, and attachment damage come from research conducted with grossly neglected children (some studies use data from Child Protective Services cases) not healthy children with loving parents who let them cry for an isolated timeframe.

Another well-respected source that makes the rounds on the Internet is a list of studies put together by Dr. Sears that conclude crying it out is dangerous. There are too many to explain each here, but for example, one states that infants who cry excessively have a higher incidence of ADHD, antisocial behavior, and poor school performance. When you look at the original study, though, the crying clearly has nothing to do with sleep training. The study shows that extra fussiness and subsequent crying (regardless of what parents do in response) might be a symptom of an underlying problem that could come up later in life. Sears quoted another study as showing that crying early on makes a child fussy and emotionally unbalanced. Again, the actual study says that babies who already cry a lot might be showing early signs that they are slower to develop emotional control. None of the Sears studies listed shows negative consequences as a result of a structured sleep training program.

A Harvard study often surfaces in this debate to show that CIO is bad for baby. This is not actually an original research paper, but an opinion paper based mostly on anthropological studies of parenting practices. It describes how U.S. parents emphasize independence, while mommies from other cultures co-sleep and respond faster to their little ones. It does not have any data about sleep training.

On the other hand, there isn't a robust body of evidence showing that crying it out is safe. When you think about how complicated emotional health and brain development are, it seems like a difficult conclusion to draw absolutely. Maybe certain children are more vulnerable to stressors and maybe if crying it out comes in tandem with another major change, like starting daycare or weaning, the effects might add up to a tipping point and direct a child's brain development in some way. But is there evidence of this? Not yet. It's worth noting that if it's crying we're worried about, the overall amount of crying involved in a well thought-out sleep-training program can be less than the sobs that many parents have reported when they go with a "no-cry" solution.

So the bottom line? Soothe your baby and respond to her all the time, especially in the early months. Carry her, snuggle her, feed her on demand. Being responsive and loving is a parent's most important job. In fact, it's probably the case that co-sleeping is the most natural and adaptive family arrangement — we've done it for thousands of years and, somewhere deep in their brains, our babies are probably programmed to thrive best this way. But most parents want independent sleepers and a bedtime routine that doesn't end up as a mini-trauma every night. If you decide you can't possibly bounce for another forty-five minutes on the yoga ball to get your baby to sleep, will the times that you let her cry — provided she is fed, healthy, and comfortable and you check on her — alter her brain development? There is no evidence of this so far, so you're free to make that very personal parenting choice for yourself.

Here's the dish those articles never serve up. Read it, and enjoy Halloween a little more this year, knowing that you don't need to be scared of . . .

Poisoned Candy

According to Harper's index, the number of children ever killed by doctored Halloween candy given to them by strangers equals a whopping zero. I for one plan to continue taste-testing my kids' snacks for poisons, but only the good stuff

Choking

Now that you're not worried about your kids' candy being poisoned, you can go ahead and let them eat it without fear of choking. Between 1999 and 2002, over 75% of choking deaths were people over 65. Only about 100 children die from choking each year. While many more are rushed to hospital emergency rooms, fewer than 20% of those kids choke on candy, according to the CDC.

Sugar

Afraid a candy binge will make your kids into little monsters? Experts say the link between hyperactivity and sugar just isn't there. On the other hand, if parents think their kids have had sugar, they will report more hyperactive behavior, even if the child did not actually eat any sugar. The same goes for artificial food coloring and other additives. Look the other way and let the little ones gorge on their loot.

Food allergies

Wait! What about all the potential allergens lurking in those brightly wrapped treats? Only about 6% of children and 1-2% of adults have a food allergy, and most of those are not the fatal variety. While the cause of food allergies remains a mystery, the Mayo Clinic and other experts place increasing weight on the "hygiene" hypothesis: that keeping potential allergens away from kids certainly doesn't help, and may make them more susceptible to food allergies. If you know your child has an allergy, of course you need to be vigilant, but if you've never had a reaction, count yourself lucky and indulge.

Dirt

Speaking of the hygiene hypothesis, it's probably healthy to let your kid eat that piece of candy that fell on the ground. The hygiene hypothesis states that children who are exposed to a wide variety of microorganisms at an early age develop more robust immune systems. Around here, we call the dust that invariably gets into our trail mix Vitamin Fun.

Satanic cults

Worried that some of those demons and witches prowling the street might be real? While Satanic cults make great TV, they've never been shown to exist in real life. If your child does run into a real witch on Halloween, she's likely to be an earth-loving Wiccan who might trick you into taking home some whole wheat brownies instead of the commercial chocolate.

The Internet

What Satanic ritual abuse was to my generation, Internet predators are to my kids' era: the bogeyman in the closet. The Internet Safety Technical Task Force, a Harvard-backed study that included forty-nine state's attorneys general, found that fears about Internet predation vastly outweigh the reality of this fairly rare crime. Unlike Satanic cults, creeps with computers really do exist. But they're a danger to be aware of, not lived in fear of. For most kids, the most dangerous person they'll meet on Facebook is their mom, who might well use the social networking site to find out what they were really up to last Friday night.

Abduction

Not only do you not have to worry about your child being stolen by Satanists or virtual predators, you don't have to worry about your child being stolen by any random stranger. How long would you have to leave your children outside unattended to make it statistically likely that they'd be abducted by a stranger? 750,000 years, says Warwick Cairns, author of How to Live Dangerously. Let the kids trick or treat on their own if you feel like it.

Death

Kids tend to survive. Only about 3% of the deaths in the United States each year are people under twenty-five. While tragedies do occur, it's worth remembering that kids are resilient, and that the scary things on the news make the news because they're rare. As safety guru Bruce Schneier says, "I tell people that if it's in the news, don't worry about it. The very definition of "news" is "something that hardly ever happens." It's when something isn't in the news, when it's so common that it's no longer news -- car crashes, domestic violence -- that you should start worrying."

There is one real terror on Halloween to watch out for: cars. Kids are four times more likely to be hit by a car on Halloween than on any other night of the year, according to the National SAFE KIDS Campaign in Washington, DC. So tell your kids to look both ways, and then relax - Halloween isn't nearly as scary as you think.

Dear Royal,

Year after year parents worry that their vulnerable young daughters will be damaged by obsessions with Disney's wasp-waisted, pug-nosed role models. The princess industrial complex is unstoppable, and our little girls are drawn to it like flies to sh*t. If you manage to keep the whole thing outside of your daughter's frame of vision, we salute your efforts (and wonder if she's getting enough Vitamin D locked in that basement). If your daughter knows about princesses but doesn't give a hoot, we salute your . . . luck. The major feminist argument against The Princess is that her entire personality consists of being passive and pretty. Some worry more about the stress on beauty, for others it's the lack of agency, or the lack of cultural identity. It's all very interesting from a semiotics standpoint. But as Peggy Orenstein put it a few years ago in the Times, " maybe a princess is sometimes just a princess." In other words, what she means to you is not at all what she means to your daughter. Fighting her obsession could hurt your cause. These tinsel goddesses are characters she identifies with; negativity may be wrongly interpreted or internalized. You might teach her that you don't like what she likes, or what she imagines she is. Or, you might just show her a really easy way to rile you up. The last thing you want to do is to give the princesses the power of getting to you on top of their other powers. You can help your daughter see outside the pink satin box by providing her with a range of pretend play options, and reading her fantasy narratives that go beyond the basic happily ever after (AKA wedding) tale. You can certainly introduce her to the wonders of Wonder Woman and see if she takes the bait. (She does have a crown, after all.) But Halloween is probably not the time to challenge her interests. Halloween is an opportunity for self-expression and identification. We are believers in the self-generated costume (if not in construction, at least in concept). You can force your daughter to wear a Wonder Woman costume, but you can't make her like it. Our advice is to go with the flow and let her be whatever she feels like being for the moment, however much it abrades your feminist sensibilities. Word among parents of older girls is that the princess phase, though often torturous, passes quickly. If you don't add the element of rebellion into the mix, maybe it will run its course sooner. And hey, if you let her go as a princess now, you've got a good excuse not to let her be one again next year.

Have a question? Email parentaladvisory@babble.com

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Oscar and the Bat: A Book About Sound by Geoff Waring

Lots of spooky noises come alive at night that can scare kids: hooting owls, whispering wind, clashing thunder. This book explains why sound--even scary sound--is important. Plus, it will show your children how to use their ears to tell how far or near something is, and to find something, like a bird's nest or raindrops, before their eyes can actually see it.

Lesson: The world would be really boring without sound.

There's No Place Like Space! by Tish Rabe

Nighttime is synonymous with being dark and dreary, but it doesn't have to be that way. Why not teach them about just what's out there in our vast universe? Starting with the moon, this book takes kids on a super-speedy trip through our solar system, and addresses questions like, 'If the Earth is always spinning, why aren't we dizzy?' Who knows, after a few reads, you may have some night owls on your hands!

Lesson learned: Darkness isn't scary when you know what's out there.

Dark Night by Dorothee de Monfreid

This story about a boy named Felix who encounters some ferocious-looking animals in the woods will give your kids a boost of bravery before bedtime. At first, the forest animals frighten Felix but he runs into a wise rabbit that says, hey, if something scares you, scare 'em back! Halloween mask in hand, Felix turns the tables on his nemeses.

Lesson learned: Confidence goes along way in combating scary stuff.

The Scariest Monster In The World by Lee Weatherly & Algy Craig Hall

If your kids are scared of monsters under the bed, read them this funny tale about a monster that gets hiccups?and can?t get rid of them! Not only does it show that even the most menacing creatures have a soft side, we find out in the end that the monster?s scare tactics are mostly for show.

Lesson learned: Monsters aren?t that different than you and me.

What Was I Scared Of? by Dr. Seuss

You can?t go wrong with classic Dr. Seuss, and lucky for you, he?s concocted a tale sure to soothe your child?s fears of creatures lurking in the dark. Read this wacky tale about a kid who stumbles upon a pair of (literal) scared-ey pants that rides bikes, rows boats?even runs around with no feet!

Lesson learned: The things you?re most scared of are probably just as scared of you. (Bonus: The book is glow-in-the-dark!)

Creaky Old House by Linda Ashman

Got a creaky house? Read this to your kids. This story about a family with a house full of drafty shutters and dilapidated stairs shows that everything ?spooky? only became that way through years of love. (The fraying rug? That?s where Gran and Grandpa jitterbug!)

Lesson learned: A creaky house is a happy house.