It's the kind of scenario that can make parents of a toddler and an infant toss down their burp cloths in despair and think, as they narrowly avoid tripping over the musical truck, that having two young kids means no one's ever satisfied.

But while you can't keep 'em both happy all of the time, here are a few tricks to keep them, and you, from pitching a fit most of the time. — Shoshana Kordova

It takes three to tango (and eat, and change a diaper)

When the latest arrival needs to be held or fed, your primary interest may be baby's basic needs, but just about any infant-centered activity can become fun for the kid who might be feeling displaced. The baby's gassy? Hold her while dancing and singing silly songs with your older kid (our favorite made-up ditty includes the line "Don't drink beer in my ear, it makes it hard to hear"). The baby's gotta eat? Whether you're nursing or bottle-feeding, extend your limited lap space by grabbing a spot where you can put up your legs, and ask your toddler if she wants to sit on you (even better if you have toys or books nearby). As for the diaper change, lots of toddlers like being, er, helpful, and handing you a diaper is one of the least calamitous forms of help a toddler can offer.

Find the pattern

It's always a good idea to pay attention to what sets off your kid, and that's all the more true when monitoring the way the former center of attention reacts to the cause of her reduction in star status. Maybe there's something about the time of day or the way you relate to your infant that sparks a meltdown in your toddler; pay attention to the contributing factors and you may be able to head off an ear-numbing exercise of the will. I noticed that my oldest would get upset if I tried to feed the baby at a time when big sis was usually hungry. Now I grab some food, get my toddler into the high chair and sit next to her while feeding both of them. Which brings us to the next point . . .

Don't paint yourself into a nursing corner

Some moms like settling in with baby in the same comfy feeding spot every time. But while that can be great at the right moment, be open to feeding the baby wherever your toddler is. The same holds for other necessaries, especially if you've got multiple rooms, or floors, you hang out in. If you have diaper-changing basics or safe baby-dumping spots (even just a blanket or towel spread out on the floor) in a few strategic locations, it'll be easier to stay with both kids. And if you do have to, or want to, go somewhere else with the little one, try asking your toddler if she wants to sit on the couch with mommy too.

View your home as a kid lab

Don't keep doing something just because it's what you started off doing; your kids are changing every day, so if something isn't working right now (even if it used to), modify it. The trickiest time in our house is my toddler's bath-and-bed time, because I need to give her my attention when the baby is likely to be hungry or kvetchy. I tried sticking to our old routine, but got too stressed if I could hear crying in the other room. I tried simultaneous bath-giving and baby-wearing, but found it too cumbersome. I tried giving big sis an earlier bath if the baby was calm, and that worked well until I started hitting resistance. I ultimately settled on putting the baby in her car seat and bringing her into the bathroom with us, but I'm up for figuring out something else if this doesn't pan out either. There's no way of knowing what will work best for you at any given time other than by trial and error, so try, try, try again.

I'll take two

Keep spares of baby stuff in stock, ready to offer to your toddler if she expresses interest. Mine hadn't used a bottle in nearly a year, but as soon as she saw the baby getting one, it became the hottest item of the season. Instead of saying, "No, that's for the baby," we gave her a bottle of her own that looks different from the others. She also adores having her own blanket spread out on the floor, right next to the baby mat; when I first put it down she stalked around the perimeter with this huge proprietary grin, proud to have her own territory to stake out.

Make some one-on-one

No matter how well you manage to incorporate both kids into your daily tasks, at some point you'll probably feel like you're shortchanging at least one of them. So before you rush off on the never-ending quest to cross off everything on your to-do list when one of them falls asleep, take a few minutes to let your toddler swing like a monkey from your neck or to have a staring contest with your baby while speaking in a ridiculously high-pitched voice. It's worth building up a bank of one-on-one time, both for your kids' sense of security and so that the next time one or both of them is too tired, hungry or sick for any of these tricks to work, at least you'll know in your heart that — despite the surround-sound crying you're sure will have the neighbors calling social services — you've been doing your darndest.

Patrimony: A True Story by Philip Roth

I can't think of a more honest or unflinching account of fatherhood. This is the story of Roth taking care of his father, who is dying of brain cancer. There is a scene in the beginning — Roth's sick, aged father wipes his feces all over the bathroom. It's very easy to talk about feeling awe or great affection or worry about the family but I think it's very hard, and also more honest, to talk about the shit and blood and physicality of it. That was one of the things that surprised me about parenting, actually. Babies are not intellectual human beings — in the beginning, they are not even capable of smiling, the most simple expression of human life — and yet they're demanding of a physical relationship. One of the funny — or not so funny — tricks of life: As you get older, relationships come back to that physicality. You might find yourself wearing a diaper again and needing someone to bathe and feed you. Can anyone hold a baby without imagining oneself as an old person or the baby as an old person?

Kaddish by Leon Wieseltier

This book is like the continuation of Patrimony in a sense, because it begins after the end. Weiseltier immerses himself in the Jewish ritual of saying Kaddish after his father dies ? this act of committing himself does not mean he can make sense of death but he engages with it. Religious or not, as a parent, you are somebody who makes rituals. Whether it is a particular succession of books at bedtime or waffles on Thursday mornings ? they're all practices that you repeat and they take on a special meaning. Ritual gives kids and adults a sense of structure where structure is naturally lacking. It's the counting on it that matters.

Disgrace by J.M. Coetzee

I was so moved by this novel, particularly by the way the father and daughter are bound together through shame. The father's shame comes from the fact that he won't admit to an affair he had and the shame of his daughter is for her country, about apartheid in South Africa. Shame can be a good thing though ? it can prompt exploration. It was actually the inspiration for me to write my new book, Eating Animals . There is the shame of a kid asking you a question and not being able to answer it, of almost entirely forgetting your responsibility. Why do we eat animals? Children's questions highlight our inconsistencies and paradoxes, but they also inspire us to consider the answers.

Life? Or Theatre? By Charlotte Salomon

I was in Amsterdam and I just stumbled into the Jewish museum. Salomon's work — the paintings and text that make up this book — was on display there. There was something about the line of suicides in her family — her grandmother, aunt and mother all took their own lives — and the idea of inescapable fate that drew me in. Since I've become a father I've become very aware of things that are handed down on purpose and by accident. And I'm interested in what can be resisted. I have a bad habit, for example, of being anti-confrontational. I know why I have it — we can usually trace these things to historical and familial trauma. Part of being a parent is the opportunity to correct these things. I admire Salomon for resisting her fate so forcefully through her art. Sorrowfully, the Nazis captured her not long after she made these paintings and she was killed at Auschwitz. The conflict is: How can art redeem or correct? Sometimes it can't. And yet we keep doing it.

Here's the dish those articles never serve up. Read it, and enjoy Halloween a little more this year, knowing that you don't need to be scared of . . .

Poisoned Candy

According to Harper's index, the number of children ever killed by doctored Halloween candy given to them by strangers equals a whopping zero. I for one plan to continue taste-testing my kids' snacks for poisons, but only the good stuff

Choking

Now that you're not worried about your kids' candy being poisoned, you can go ahead and let them eat it without fear of choking. Between 1999 and 2002, over 75% of choking deaths were people over 65. Only about 100 children die from choking each year. While many more are rushed to hospital emergency rooms, fewer than 20% of those kids choke on candy, according to the CDC.

Sugar

Afraid a candy binge will make your kids into little monsters? Experts say the link between hyperactivity and sugar just isn't there. On the other hand, if parents think their kids have had sugar, they will report more hyperactive behavior, even if the child did not actually eat any sugar. The same goes for artificial food coloring and other additives. Look the other way and let the little ones gorge on their loot.

Food allergies

Wait! What about all the potential allergens lurking in those brightly wrapped treats? Only about 6% of children and 1-2% of adults have a food allergy, and most of those are not the fatal variety. While the cause of food allergies remains a mystery, the Mayo Clinic and other experts place increasing weight on the "hygiene" hypothesis: that keeping potential allergens away from kids certainly doesn't help, and may make them more susceptible to food allergies. If you know your child has an allergy, of course you need to be vigilant, but if you've never had a reaction, count yourself lucky and indulge.

Dirt

Speaking of the hygiene hypothesis, it's probably healthy to let your kid eat that piece of candy that fell on the ground. The hygiene hypothesis states that children who are exposed to a wide variety of microorganisms at an early age develop more robust immune systems. Around here, we call the dust that invariably gets into our trail mix Vitamin Fun.

Satanic cults

Worried that some of those demons and witches prowling the street might be real? While Satanic cults make great TV, they've never been shown to exist in real life. If your child does run into a real witch on Halloween, she's likely to be an earth-loving Wiccan who might trick you into taking home some whole wheat brownies instead of the commercial chocolate.

The Internet

What Satanic ritual abuse was to my generation, Internet predators are to my kids' era: the bogeyman in the closet. The Internet Safety Technical Task Force, a Harvard-backed study that included forty-nine state's attorneys general, found that fears about Internet predation vastly outweigh the reality of this fairly rare crime. Unlike Satanic cults, creeps with computers really do exist. But they're a danger to be aware of, not lived in fear of. For most kids, the most dangerous person they'll meet on Facebook is their mom, who might well use the social networking site to find out what they were really up to last Friday night.

Abduction

Not only do you not have to worry about your child being stolen by Satanists or virtual predators, you don't have to worry about your child being stolen by any random stranger. How long would you have to leave your children outside unattended to make it statistically likely that they'd be abducted by a stranger? 750,000 years, says Warwick Cairns, author of How to Live Dangerously. Let the kids trick or treat on their own if you feel like it.

Death

Kids tend to survive. Only about 3% of the deaths in the United States each year are people under twenty-five. While tragedies do occur, it's worth remembering that kids are resilient, and that the scary things on the news make the news because they're rare. As safety guru Bruce Schneier says, "I tell people that if it's in the news, don't worry about it. The very definition of "news" is "something that hardly ever happens." It's when something isn't in the news, when it's so common that it's no longer news -- car crashes, domestic violence -- that you should start worrying."

There is one real terror on Halloween to watch out for: cars. Kids are four times more likely to be hit by a car on Halloween than on any other night of the year, according to the National SAFE KIDS Campaign in Washington, DC. So tell your kids to look both ways, and then relax - Halloween isn't nearly as scary as you think.

Oscar and the Bat: A Book About Sound by Geoff Waring

Lots of spooky noises come alive at night that can scare kids: hooting owls, whispering wind, clashing thunder. This book explains why sound--even scary sound--is important. Plus, it will show your children how to use their ears to tell how far or near something is, and to find something, like a bird's nest or raindrops, before their eyes can actually see it.

Lesson: The world would be really boring without sound.

There's No Place Like Space! by Tish Rabe

Nighttime is synonymous with being dark and dreary, but it doesn't have to be that way. Why not teach them about just what's out there in our vast universe? Starting with the moon, this book takes kids on a super-speedy trip through our solar system, and addresses questions like, 'If the Earth is always spinning, why aren't we dizzy?' Who knows, after a few reads, you may have some night owls on your hands!

Lesson learned: Darkness isn't scary when you know what's out there.

Dark Night by Dorothee de Monfreid

This story about a boy named Felix who encounters some ferocious-looking animals in the woods will give your kids a boost of bravery before bedtime. At first, the forest animals frighten Felix but he runs into a wise rabbit that says, hey, if something scares you, scare 'em back! Halloween mask in hand, Felix turns the tables on his nemeses.

Lesson learned: Confidence goes along way in combating scary stuff.

The Scariest Monster In The World by Lee Weatherly & Algy Craig Hall

If your kids are scared of monsters under the bed, read them this funny tale about a monster that gets hiccups?and can?t get rid of them! Not only does it show that even the most menacing creatures have a soft side, we find out in the end that the monster?s scare tactics are mostly for show.

Lesson learned: Monsters aren?t that different than you and me.

What Was I Scared Of? by Dr. Seuss

You can?t go wrong with classic Dr. Seuss, and lucky for you, he?s concocted a tale sure to soothe your child?s fears of creatures lurking in the dark. Read this wacky tale about a kid who stumbles upon a pair of (literal) scared-ey pants that rides bikes, rows boats?even runs around with no feet!

Lesson learned: The things you?re most scared of are probably just as scared of you. (Bonus: The book is glow-in-the-dark!)

Creaky Old House by Linda Ashman

Got a creaky house? Read this to your kids. This story about a family with a house full of drafty shutters and dilapidated stairs shows that everything ?spooky? only became that way through years of love. (The fraying rug? That?s where Gran and Grandpa jitterbug!)

Lesson learned: A creaky house is a happy house.

KidZui — Free basic membership, $7.95/month, $39.95/year for upgraded membership

With its extensive offerings of games, videos, search tools, detailed parental reports and free basic membership, KidZui took the top spot. It is a browser in the truest sense of the word because it allows children to search and access a variety of kid-friendly websites — including PBSKids, Discovery Channel and Disney — but any objectionable content and communication with others is blocked. The great thing about this site is that it expands to cover the entire computer screen and essentially locks users in to the browser, meaning children can?t exit out and go on a web-surfing free-for-all. I found the highlight of this site to be ZuiTube, which is a kid-friendly version of YouTube, with access to a wide range of age-appropriate videos. When you upgrade to a paid membership, perks include access to the Homework Helper, monitored communication with friends and the ability to block individual websites. An unexpected perk of this browser is that it provides children with a multi-sensory learning experience, which works well for those who struggle with traditional learning techniques.

Get it at Kidzui.com.

Wonder Rotunda — $45 for a one year membership, annual renewal $35

Wonder Rotunda is not a traditional browser, but an interactive online environment that may satisfy kids too young for browsing. Set on an island in New York?s harbor, this virtual theme park is modeled after the 1964-1965 New York World?s Fair. Kids (ages 7-12) get a chance to take an African safari, dive the Great Barrier Reef, or take a submarine ride through the human digestive system (not as gross as it sounds!). The mission of this newly created site is to get kids thinking about the world-at-large through games and interactive adventures. I loved that it introduces kids to subjects ranging from U.S. government to rainforest conservation. One outstanding feature is the 'Make a Difference' tent, which teaches kids ways they can be active in making their community and world a better place. By earning money through games, you can buy food to feed your avatar, souvenirs from the 'Store of Wonderful Things' and even a blimp ad placement for your favorite cause (I chose to save the coral reef). The only potential drawback is the limited amount of adventures (there are currently fifteen), which might be remedied with future site updates and expansions. But for now, I can?t help but wonder: once you have zip-lined through the rainforest a few times, will you want to come back for more? On the flip side, one of Wonder Rotunda?s best features is that parents can create their own avatars and join their children on visits to the park. This is a great opportunity to explore the 'wonders of the world' together.

Get it at wonderrotunda.com.

Yahoo Kids — free

Yahoo!'s entertainment and education site for children (ages 6-12) used to be called Yahooligans, but a major content shift warranted a name change. Now games, videos, music and other distractions are kept separate from educational content, so that kids won?t be sidetracked when using the site for homework purposes. The StudyZone is full of helpful information, including an extensive World Factbook with information on all the countries of the world. I especially enjoyed the 'Ask Earl' feature, which tackles difficult questions like "What is plagiarism?" and "What is DNA and what does it look like?" The major downfall of Yahoo Kids is that they allow advertisements on the site, including video ads — which is understandable since the site is free, but still seems questionable in light of the site's mission to encourage kids to learn.

Get it at kids.yahoo.com.

Club Penguin — Play is free, $5.95 for a monthly pass with added membership bonus, $57.95 for a one-year membership

Club Penguin is Disney?s online community for children ages 6-14 (although the penguin graphics seem much too childish for a fourteen-year-old). Kids can play for free, but special features such as access to member-only rooms and the ability to customize your clothes and igloos can only be accessed by purchasing a membership. The site allows children to talk to one another and although the chatting is monitored, it is still possible for children to share personal information or be subjected to teasing and bullying. However, there is a SafeChat option that limits conversations to a menu of pre-approved phrases and greetings. While there are plenty of fun games and activities to be accessed while directing your penguin around the neighborhood to various gaming rooms and servers, I found it very odd that rooms close down when they are too full, and you must wait in line to gain entry. If I wanted to wait in line, I would head to Disney World itself!

Get it at ClubPenguin.com.

Shrek Browser — $6.97 for a monthly pass, $53.97 for a one year membership

Don?t count on Shrek to save your kids from the evils of the Internet. Users are bombarded with advertisements for every Shrek and Disney product imaginable, making it too easy for kids to confuse ads with actual browser content. To add to the trouble, the browser is packaged with Club Tiki, a kids' club that allows members to play games, chat with other kids and earn online "moola" — all for an additional fee. The Shrek browser's constant calls to join the club are downright obnoxious. Once you get past the ads, the browser itself is very functional, allowing children to search for anything while only displaying pre-approved, age-appropriate findings. The aesthetic of the browser, which is made to look like the top of Shrek's big green head, is possibly its greatest accomplishment. Now if only Shrek could cut down on the ads, we could browse happily ever after.

Get it at ShrekBrowser.com.